Changes...

As I go through all of the things in my life I'm blind to how much they have been changing me. In the last few months I have put myself out for public view more than ever before and it's been good. Not only have I given other people that chance to see who I really am, I've also given myself the chance to look at what I've been doing and saying over this time. My duck project has enlightened me as well as this blog.

I know very few people will ever read this but those of you that have and have taken the time to tell me about it mean a lot to me. I'm also thankful to all the people that have been supportive of my duck project and have let me share a little piece of myself with them. I've always known that sharing a part of myself with the world was important to me but I've never found an outlet that let me feel comfortable doing it. Thank you everyone for giving me that and being interested enough to keep me going.

Also, I have met someone that has connected me to feelings that have been dormant for a while now. She has inspired me to keep a positive outlook and stop looking for the negative. In the months since Leia has left I had begun this transformation on my own - but having someone interested in me has brought back some of the questioning that has always lingered. Am I good enough? What are her motives? Why me? And through these thoughts I tend to sabotage things that really do matter to me.

Through her eyes, I see someone taking a risk and facing her own fears to be with me because she thinks I'm worth it. I don't remember being able to look at a relationship in quite the same way. This time really feels like a give and take. When I am with her I feel like I have a partner that believes in me and wishes the best for me and I in turn believe and trust her. I don't know where we will end up - 2 1/2 hours away makes things difficult to put it nicely but we are both willing to see past that for now. There is a definite connection that we can't put into words.

I can't believe that I have clicked with someone to this extent - I am fascinated by all that she is and she seems genuinely interested to find out all that I am. She is great and I'm glad that we've both allowed ourselves out of our usual comfort zones to discover what can be.

Again, thank you to everyone! To my mom for keeping me grounded, to Katie for being the best little sister that a guy could hope for, to Teresa for finding me and in turn giving me a chance, to a little duck for showing the true me, to friends both old and new for letting me know that I matter, to everyone that's been a part of my life and will continue to be a part of my life, to Juliann and Ginger for showing me the light in the world and even Leia for showing me what life can be and forcing me to find myself. Thank you everyone!