A quote I ran across today.

"We only conserve what we love, we only love what we understand, we only understand what we know, we only know what we are taught.”
Baba Dioum, Senegalese Ecologist


This was in reference to a killer whale killing a trainer at Sea World in Orlando and why zoos are necessary.  Without this form of education people won't care about the animals enough to make an attempt to save them.  I personally love zoos and think many of them do a fantastic job to educate the pubic and they should be kept around.  

My Amazon Store

It's been a while since I've posted anything about this but here is a link to my Amazon.com store.  It features a few duck items.

http://astore.amazon.com/duckyplanet-20

The link to my 365 day photo project.

I decided to do a 365 day photo project using a small rubber ducky.  As of right now I'm up to day 17 and so far I'm still going just fine.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/don_espe/sets/72157623271711884/http://blog.donespe.com/

Still alive

Well, I had a tough time the last few days but things are looking a little better now.  Ginger is now back in VA - there were many sudden changes in plans but in the end it all worked out.  Originally she was supposed to go back around the 18th of this month so I'd still have her for a week and a half.  Well, a week ago, I found out that Leia was coming her to get the rest of her things so to save myself going to VA and back I asked her if she would take Ginger back with her.  She was willing to do that so Ginger was going to leave a week or so early.

That was tough in itself.  It's always hard to see her go - but this time will be for 4 months.  She won't be back until the end of May.  But then I'll have her until September sometime.  But to make things worse - on her last day she should have been around the house until 2pm but because of snow in VA that got rescheduled for a plane that left at 11am instead of 4pm.  So a lot of last minute scrambles - a tearful goodbye and that was that.  They made it there just fine and managed to miss the snow so that was good.

I do miss her smiling face around the house.  It's weird not dressing her, playing with her, feeding her, answering her questions, and just generally being a dad.  This house is pretty quiet and lonely without her.  Gobo has been going crazy searching for more attentions, though.  Ginger loved to pet her and play with her so now Gobo needs to get all of that from me.  But over all I'm doing okay.

I've broken down in tears a few times - on the phone with various people, on my own, in a store, at Ginger's daycare going in to get her things.  But it's okay.  As my dad said in his last month - it was the people that couldn't cry that worried him.  So I'm glad Ginger has found a way to connect me to my feelings again.  And even at two years old she sees that I'm sad and tries to comfort me - either by wiping away me tears or offering me her favorite blanket - one of the cutest things that I've had the chance to see.

So to round things up - I'm sad, but I'm okay.  I'll get myself back into a routine of some sort this week and continue full force into the job hunt.

Loneliness

A sudden change in plans this week make things a little harder to take.  I found out Leia will be coming into town tomorrow and will be leaving on Friday - well to save me a trip to VA in a week or so she'll be taking Ginger back with her.  This is both a good thing and a bad thing.  It'll save me at least a couple of days of travel and at least $400 just getting myself there and back.  But it also means I'm losing at least a week of time with Ginger.

I hope eventually this gets easier but right now it's pretty hard to take that friday afternoon I'll be in the house alone again.  Though this time I'll be losing Leia's stuff - kitchen chairs, a bed - things like that.  I'll need to dig around and see what I can find to get by for a while.  I have an old kitchen table I can use and one of my old beds is still floating around so I'll have those.  It's the next major step in a divorce that is soon to be over.

I'm getting there but the closer it gets the more lonely it feels - especially since I won't have Ginger around. I love spending time with her and I've been tearing up at the drop of a hat for the last few days.  I know I'll get through this in the end.  I keep looking around the house at Gingers toys and stuff and I realize in a few days I won't see her playing with them.  I am missing her already.  I hope I am able to break out of hermit mode before too long or this isn't going to work out.

I still need a job.  I've applied for a bunch of them but so far I haven't had any luck.  This week I've focused on getting things ready for movers on friday so I haven't done as much.  I've still been digging through the job sites and making note of any jobs that seem to be a good fit.  I'll have to actually apply for a few of them tomorrow so I at least have something in place.

Well, I hope this depression leaves me soon.  It's not too bad but I feel it slowly nibbling away at me.  I'm just sinking lower and lower into my old hermit mode.  It needs to stop or I will end up losing everything.  I can do this!  I will get through it because I don't have a choice.